| It Is Within Me |
[26 Jan 2009|03:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 dead inside |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lovedrug - Pretend You're Alive |
] |
I want to go to the top of a tall building and scream at the top of my lungs... but there are no buildings high enough.
I want to go on an adventure that involves fun, laughter, and possibly a hint of danger... but there are no companions.
I want to play my the music that expresses my very emotion, something that people can sing along to... but there are no people.
I want to sit on the dock and watch the sun come up with my love... but there is no love.
I want the creative energy that I am feeling within me to come pouring out... but the time has yet to come. But it is within me.
----------
I've been getting the urge lately to do all of those things but I feel as if I require companionship. I'm very lonely and I need motivation, the kind that you can only find from people that actually inspire you to stand out or just express yourself. I've met very few people that have actually been able to do that for me and up until recently there was only one person who really had that effect on me and now she's not there anymore. I feel our previous conversation may have had some reprecussion on our friendship of seven years. She's always been there for me through thick and thin and has always brought out the best in me. It's been at least a month since I last talked to her and every day that goes by that I don't hear from her eats away at my heart. I feel as if my strength has left me sometimes. I know they say that friends come and go but this is one that isn't allowed to go. She means to much to me and I to her. Not a day goes by that I don't hope that she's doing well and is happy. I wish she would just call and let me know that everything is alright... even if things are not alright between her and I.
Watch angels in the morning become a devil’s afternoon
I will panic in the evening underneath the crashing moon
So fall in love while you can still hold your head up high
And pretend that you’re alive again
It’s friends that leave you here in the end so hold your head up high
And pretend that you’re alive
|
|
| Heels Over Head |
[29 Oct 2008|10:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Boys Like Girls |
] |
I got your runaway smile in my piggybank baby
Gonna cash it right in for a new Mercedes
You were worth the hundred thousand miles
But you couldn't stay awhile
I got your little brown shirt in my bottom drawer baby
And your little white socks in the top drawer
You were always leaving your shit around
And gone without a sound
Yeah I'm the first to fall and the last to know
Where'd you go?
Now I'm heels over head
I'm hangin' upside down
Thinking how you left me for dead
California bound
I got a first class ticket to a night all alone
And a front row seat up right by the phone
Cause you're always on my mind
And I'm running out of time
I've got your hair on my pillow and your smell in my sheets
And it makes me think about you with the sand in your feet
Is it all you thought it'd be?
You mean everything to me
But I'm the first to fall and the last to know
And where'd you go?
Now I'm heels over head,
I'm hangin' upside down
Thinking how you left me for dead
California bound
And when you hit the coast
I hope you think of me
And how I'm stuck here with the ghost of what we used to be
You're burnin' bridges baby
Burnin' bridges, making wishes
Yeah you're burnin' bridges baby
Burnin' bridges, making wishes
You're burnin' bridges baby
Burnin' bridges, making wishes
Yeah you're burnin' bridges baby
Burnin' bridges, making wishes
You're a chance taker, heartbreaker
Got me wrapped around your finger
Chance taker, heartbreaker
Got me wrapped around your finger
I got your runaway smile in my piggybank baby
Gonna cash it right in for a new Mercedes
If I drive a hundred thousand miles
Would you let me stay a while?
Now I'm heels over head,
I'm hangin' upside-down
Thinking how you left me for dead
California bound
And when you hit the coast
I hope you think of me
And how I'm stuck here with the ghost of what we used to be
Now I'm heels over head,
I'm hangin' upside-down
Thinking how you left me for dead
California bound
And when you hit the coast
Maybe you'll finally see
And then you'll turn it all around and you'll come back to me
|
|
| Sun |
[27 Oct 2008|07:42pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Daphne Loves Derby |
] |
I'm desperate to know how you are
I hope you're deep asleep
I've been awake for days
trying to study every inch of your body
in this picture, from a distant day
when I could safely say
nothing in this world could tear me down in any way
But like a dream you disappeared
without a sound, without a trace
[Chorus:]
Sleep well, darling, wherever you are
I hope that your happy tonight
and maybe you found someone who will love you right
Sleep well, darling
I'm desperate to say now I need you more than ever
but all I could say was goodnight
This is for a girl back home
she tore down all my walls
left me for all she had known
but I pushed it all away from me
and no no, even if I knew
even if I knew what to say to you
it's just to late to make you stay
I'm sick of fighting this broken fate
But someone else gets to tell you
that your beautiful
[Chorus:]
Sleep well, darling, wherever you are
I hope that your happy tonight
and maybe you found someone who will love you right
Sleep well, darling
I'm desperate to say now I need you more than ever
but all I could say was goodnight
It's the last thing I want
but it's all that I've got
it's the last thing I need
but I still carry you in my heart
in my heart
It's the last thing I want
but it's all that I've got
it's the last thing I need
but I still carry you in my heart
in my heart
[Chorus:]
Sleep well, darling, wherever you are
I hope that your happy tonight
and maybe you found someone who will love you right
Sleep well, darling
I'm desperate to say now I need you more than ever
but all I could say was goodnight
|
|
| First The Internet Next THE WORLD! |
[08 Oct 2008|09:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 productive |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jack's Mannequin - Resolution |
] |
I officially own my own piece of the internet :)
here's a little preview of the upcoming jtcurry.com
tell me what ya think!
|
|
|
[28 Sep 2008|01:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lovedrug |
] |
ones heart should not hurt this much.
I'm starting to not believe in love.
I feel like I can't let anyone in anymore.
What have I done for this to happen to me?
I wish someone would give me an answer.
I hate my life. As of right now I feel like there's nothing worth anything anymore
|
|
| And there's a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge. |
[15 Sep 2008|04:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Something Corporate - Globes & Maps |
] |
So... its a quarter after four (in the morning)... I don't think coffee is supposed to keep you up this long.
I know you're reading this right now Cassie and you're probably a little miffed that I haven't called yet... but I know you have to be up in two or three hours and I would feel terrible to wake you. Especially since I'd probably keep you up for the rest of the night talking lol.
The weekend just ended and I already can't wait for Friday. I only got to spend less than a days time with Cassie this weekend... it really sucks. I miss her so much already :(
I dislike that I work so much now. I don't get to spend as much time as I'd like with anybody. I work at the college Monday through Thursday... and I have training for a second job Friday and Sunday nights.
For the first time in my life I actually am not happy with my current situation. One of the few things that keeps me going and in a good mood is my wonderful girlfriend. I don't know what I'd do without her.
At least we (Cassie and I) have some exciting things coming up :) In October she may be coming with me to see Jack's Mannequin, in November we're going to see Copeland and Lovedrug and also in November we're driving up to Alabama for the Iron Bowl! Good times lay ahead.
I just recently bought a new computer... its a Mac. Even though I've had it for a few days now I still can't believe I have it. I think at one point I vowed to myself never to purchase one of these god forsaken things but when it boils down to it they're actually the only computer I have a good design mind set with. It's been drilled into my head from college that Macs are meant for design. Sadly I myself have convinced myself that PCs are for fun... you see my dilemma... lol.
But anyway... I was hoping after I was done with this I'd be feeling tired enough to try sleeping but no. I'll have to try and find some other way to put myself to sleep for at least a couple hours.
|
|
|
[02 Sep 2008|09:07pm] |
|
I need to get away
|
|
| Holding Back |
[11 Aug 2008|08:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 devastated |
] |
Today is just one of those days when I realize you really are gone and you're not coming back.
|
|
| I love you dad |
[24 Jul 2008|08:40am] |
For those of you who didn't know, my father has been in the hospital since June 21st of this year due to what we believe started as a nervous break down.
Over the past month my father's condition slowly worsened. He suddenly became what could be compared to that of someone with dementia and was unable to walk and was not making sense when he was spoken to. Soon after this happened my father went into a coma.
Over the past week or so his condition has worsened. Over the weekend he began having seizures and over the past couple days he became unable to breathe on his own and his kidney's and liver had failed.
As of this evening (June 23rd) my father John Thadeus Curry passed away. We're not sure yet what the cause of death was but we're hoping that we will have answers soon. When a date and time is set for the service I will post them here in case anybody wishes to attend.
For those of you that I have spoke to already I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your love and support. It means the world to me as well as my mother.
|
|
| Long Over Due... |
[06 Jan 2008|01:25am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hawthorne Heights - Silver Bullet |
] |
W00T!
|
|
| . |
[26 Nov 2007|06:06pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Armor For Sleep - Lullaby |
] |
And I’m just the ground
That you happened to fall on
When you lost your balance walking around in the rain
And you got to your feet
Scratched your head and started to gather
The life that you dropped all around me
|
|
|
[08 Oct 2007|12:37am] |
|
You all suck.
|
|
| What The Hell... |
[17 Sep 2007|11:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
As angry as I've been the past few days... I still miss you.
|
|
| I Am JT's Unmistakable Rage |
[14 Sep 2007|05:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 angry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Senses Fail - 187 |
] |
For someone who didn't want to hurt me you sure did a damn good job.
For somebody that wanted to stay friends... you could've fooled me.
Thank you...
For making your family hate me.
For making me lose another friend (not including yourself)
For making me feel like shit when I didn't do anything
For lieing all those times you told me I was a good person... because if you really thought that I don't think you'd be telling me I was a manipulator
I'm not a manipulator.
I'm sorry...
That things have gotten to this point.
That you probably hate me for reasons I am unsure of.
For all the times you told me you were a bitch and I never believed you.
For thinking you really wanted to be friends... or that you didn't want to hurt me.
I don't think I'm to blame for all of this...
Maybe someday we'll be able to talk again. But whatever you told your sister/family I'm not supposed to ever talk to any of you for "the rest of eternity."
I don't care if you read this and you cry... or you feel you're sorry. Because things didn't have to go this far... you didn't have to do this. Because in the end... it was YOU that did all of this.
and once again thank you...
for making a part of my life... my year... my day... just a little more miserable.
As cruel as this sounds... I mean it. Its just how I feel right now... have a good life.
|
|
| Dizzy... |
[11 Sep 2007|12:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 restless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Spill Canvas - Himerus and Eros |
] |
Well I've been doing okay lately as far as my last entry goes... but its days like today when it all spirals down back to the bottom.
It can be something small and all I need is a few moments to myself to let my mind wander and get to me.
I think what bothers me the most is I don't think she's felt anything like I have and its very hard for me to understand.
Lately I've been finding myself saying I don't know what I'm going to do. I usually say that and don't mean it but I really do this time. From good days to bad up and down so rapidly, I almost can't handle it.
Whatever.
Hopefully the rest of the week will be better.
I've been listening to a lot of The Spill Canvas lately, it might not be the right kind of music to be listening to with how I've been feeling but its really catchy. I recommend checking them out if you have the time.
Yes, it's true
You've brainwashed me and now I'm more confused
I still somehow hope I end up with you
Yes, it's true
I romanticize every single thing I do
Especially when it comes to you
I hope to God I mean a little more then the sounds that escape your tired 4 A.M. lips
And oh-how I wish I meant a little more then a symphony of heavy breathing and the friction of hips
|
|
| So... |
[31 Aug 2007|01:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
miserable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Daphne Loves Derby - Sun |
] |
I don't know what to do anymore.
Amanda and I aren't together anymore and I'm pretty much miserable now... :(
Was doing okay for a while there but now I'm just back at the bottom again, it fucking sucks. I know this is going to keep happening for a while now but I really don't want to go through all of this... ugh
I've been trying to keep myself distracted but no matter what I do something always makes me think of her.
Whatever... I'm gonna go try and distract myself with some Resident Evil 4... Hope everything is going well with everyone else.
Peace.
"Sleep well darling,
I'm desperate to say now I need you now more than ever,
But all I could say was goodnight."
|
|
| ... |
[22 Jun 2007|10:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
TV |
] |
Yeah soooo its been a while since I've updated... and since I can't get on myspace... facebook... aim... you know any of my normal sites I figured I might as well update something...
I hate the internet.
So things have been going good, I had my last day of summer classes yesterday (thank god) and things are going great with Amanda :) I get to see her tomorrow wooo! hehe can't wait.
annnnd from what I can tell firefox is slowly turning into the devil... as much as I love that program it just crapped out on me for no apparent reason (thank god for livejournal draft saving)...
But anyway... yeah I'm super bored so... there's honestly no point at all to this... just random rambling.
Today was pretty good... didn't do too much; mowed the lawn, worked, got my hair cut... and now its almost 11 and I don't feel even the littlest bit tired... damnit... Yeah that's definitely all I've got for now. I'm done. Peace.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ryu99's journal
lost